I do.  I remember it primarily because it happened on the same day my family cremated my grandfather.  It was a few days before Christmas 1988, but I can’t remember the exact date without looking it up, which will give you some insight into the kind of relationship I had with my grandfather.

I found out about it after we got home, I watched it on the television, somewhat blankly, because of everything else that was happening that day for us as a family.  I can’t remember what I thought, although I must have thought something.  We definitely didn’t talk about it.  We talked family, we went out, I had a difficult time with my mother, and later my brother and I (I can’t remember if my sister was with us) decided to try to break out of feeling miserable by going to the fair that was on in the Market Square.

I hate heights, so I told him I didn’t want to go on anything high, and he suggested going on something called the umbrella or something like that.  He said it was OK, it wasn’t high.  Then it started, and to my screaming, swearing horror at my brother it went up high and fast, and he, sweet guy with a wicked sense of humour that he is, was in fits.

My family didn’t spend the day glued to manipulative news reports, it was the first time we had been together in ages and surprise, surprise, the subject of Lockerbie didn’t come up once.

All night, while I have been watching, the killing spree in the gorgeous place the name of which I can’t even remember, has been the only news covered.  Almost straight after I registered the abnormality of that fact they mentioned a few other stories in passing, nothing of any importance or interest to anyone, obviously, like a top politician in Japan had resigned (is he the leader, I don’t know, I can’t remember, but I felt angry, stupid and cheated that I had been dragged over the coals by a false and exclusive emphasis on one story, and by the completely cynical displays of grief from reporters who were hitting personal buttons for me like speaking to a trauma psychologist called Thompson (Winning in Life), talking about a man ‘trimming his hedge’ (people know that is a euphemism for cutting pubic hair, don’t they?)

It isn’t true that there is national grief over these killings, as our leaders and the media would have us believe today.  For most people it will have been momentary shock, followed by forgetting as the continued with the necessities of the rest of the day, and some people won’t know at all, just the same as I didn’t know, until today, about the crash last week which killed several people in the same area.  Without intending any disrespect towards the people involved, some people will not know until all they can think is ‘how did I go so long without knowing?’, and grief won’t come into it, because they have missed the mass manipulation.  That’s just the way it is.  The people telling us otherwise know this as well as the rest of us do, and they are liars playing on false guilt and stirring up false concern, on the whole, while they continue their circus under what they hope is a cover that people won’t challenge for fear of being thought indecent.

This is more obfuscation and manoeuvring by the media and political leaders.  I believe they know this.  These people are deadly and dangerous, and are raping us.  I can see them doing it, and I recognise the mechanisms by which they do it.  So far Ofcom and the police have refused to take any responsibility for dealing with it, but if you know enough to know how to listen, you can hear them arguing with each other, in real subtexts which have an existence independently of the mind of the listener, all the time.  The people who say they don’t understand what people on these kinds of programmes are talking about have either taken their own beatings, or are not involved enough. And those of us who are involved, EVERYONE wants to silence, and if they can’t do it directly, they will do it by igniting fear and spreading false accusations.

For instance, I don’t know what is going on in the community I am in at the moment, but I DO know it is media manipulated.  Sometimes I wonder what my neighbours are watching and listening to to act towards me as they do.  I don’t speak their language, so it is difficult for me to ask, and by the time I’ve been caught off-guard by their outbursts of rage and demonic mockery, and vented my hurt and anger and horrified desperation at feeling dispossessed of every step forward I feel I am making, by shouting back at them and being embarrassed, I don’t have the face to ask them anyway.

I didn’t know that such a deliberate combination of manipulation of public guilt and grief, and the deliberate practice of occultism, could go together in such a situation as happened today in Cumbria (I just remembered the name), and now I DO know that, I feel sick with a combination of fear and disgust and rage, because these people will stop at nothing to protect their positions and even enhance them at other people’s expense, and I particularly feel that directed at me.  Caring – what’s that?  They are just doing their job, shooting at who they can get away with shooting at, and dodging the bullets of exposure as best they can.  There are people they address directly, and I am one of them, but no one will openly acknowledge that that is believable, they call it mental illness if someone says they believe that.

I’ve watched them, both in parliamentary sessions and on news and political programmes.  I’ve watched closely as an informed and at least half-competent observer and interpreter.  They have been dealing constantly in lies, psychological manipulation and abuse, and occult practices, including hypnosis, which is an accepted sales technique now, for years.  This is what is making people sick.  It makes me sick.  This is what makes people who feel they are targets want to resort to physical violence – they arouse that in people on purpose and think it is funny.  They delight in doing it and knowing they are not going to be held accountable, you can see it in their faces and hear it in their voices, and it is evil.  This combination is what provokes people to the point of losing the balance of their minds to the point of this kind of attack, or of suicide, both of which featured in the events exclusively “reported” tonight.

I have a theory about the Coalition’s concerns to reduce or scrap altogether the power of the European Court of Human Rights as well.  It is to render people like myself more powerless in our resources to deal with what they are doing, and I think a lot of what we are getting at the moment is a deliberate distraction from the fact that, behind the scenes, they are even now working fast and furiously at disengaging from accountability to an outside body for the way they treat us as citizens/queen’s subjects, when it comes to interrogation and making political prisoners out of people and locking them up and torturing them, and calling it treatment for mental health problems instead of what it really is.  I HOPE that European leaders are not complicit with this.  If I was confident that they are not I would approach them directly and quickly.  We are being betrayed.  Our leaders are lying to us.  We are in danger, if we allow it, of being deliberately and irrevocably betrayed in a way which will adversely affect all of us, one way or another.  And I am afraid.