These women are something else.  Scathing, marauding, psychologically violent, one second sweet and the next yelling like linguistic machine gun wielding harridens.  They always leave me very disturbed.  I believe they are deliberately targetting me with the fruits of stalking, with this abberent and violent form of communication, and they use it to access psychic energy, quite consciously and deliberately.  That must make them malicious, deeply vindictive and criminal, and I would defend that statement in court if called upon to do so.  The whole set up is an incarnation of evil.  If I hear them, it leaves me wanting to scream and feeling sick, somehow they seem to access the linguistic centres in my brain and my mind starts to fill with a violent and uncomfortable chaos of words which are totally unwelcome.  Not only that, but my tongue begins to feel different, and it wants to speak against my actual wishes.   I suppose this is psychological outrage, maybe even a deliberate attack on my sanity and an opposition to any steps to recovery.  I hate these women, they are deeply aggressive and violent, and are the kind of women who would turn round and shout at you if you said anything to them.  No wonder I and my locality are affected in the same way.  It is the most appalling theft.

They talk about the offside rule in a metaphorical way, basically, it appears to me, anti-Christian, except when they can use Christianity to their advantage.  I’ve heard this before, actually said in these words ‘this is my space’, and what is being said is that if I, as a Christian, challenge it, they will attack me.

So let’s look at offside for a second.  How long has the non-Christian media been taking God’s name in vain?  Filling the airwaves with subliminal and overt assaults?  Who is really offside?

The Dresden doll-like blonde girl with my haircut (sharp bob, all the women on live tv adopted that cut at one time, when I first got it.  I don’t have it now. With everything else I’ve seen I doubt it was just a fashion coincidence, they do everything they can to step into my personality and speak out of it, it should be no wonder I end up crazy and seething with fury and desperation – yes, I’ll say desperation, even though these thugs will take it and use it to their advantage against me.  I think the violence i feel is what they give me in exchange for who I really am as the set about taking over my personality.  And while I feel so broken down it is as if a party has broken out around me among the people who are normally yelling at me, and I feel, again, so emotionally molested and resentful of what is happening. They smash their pick axes into me and let everyone party on my entrails.  Not only do they WANT to do me damage, but they do what they can to make sure their wants are satisfied.  One day I would like the opportunity to return the favour.  These people are influenced by demons, and I am vulnerable.  I am left speaking what they put into action.  As there is a God in heaven who cares about me, enough not to demand that I go begging and pleading for forgiveness to make them stop their assaults, the cursing will come back on them, as I have said before, and they will reap the consequences of what they are doing in their own lives.  I got ejected from the Premier Community for saying so when I was being subjected to the same stalking on their forums, so now I am more committed to my words than ever, and as I have asked God that they should bear fruit, I look forward to the vindication of seeing that fruit more and more as the blessing of God grows in my own life, in spite of those who oppose it in church and government who should know better.  When my words do bear fruit, that fruit will just be the result of what they themselves put out.  They will see it, as they are seeing it, and fear, I hope.  That does not make ME the source of evil, it just means I disassociate myself from the perpetrators of it and tell them they are going to bear the consequences and watch as they do.  It is called refusing to enable and rescue those who do wrong persistently and without repentance, and is a key element in breaking codependency.

Don’t forget, these people are trained in drama and speech.  They do not represent themselves honestly all the time, and these weather reading women are rampant something or other, and that has to be by policy, because they are all like it, and they all use the same form of speech and attack.  They are abhorrent and evil.  I don’t care, Tommy Boyd, yes they are, and you know it as well as I do, and I won’t stand condemned by you for saying so.

So, what I can remember from last night is that there was a news report which featured a Virgin plane in the background, then the blonde girl I mentioned somehow managed to work a word in to sound like ‘chaste’.

Tonight I was lying on my bed, relaxed and feeling as if I was healing, beginning to recover, sleepy, in a recovering and healing way, when the weather girl said something about sleepy and gin cool.  People have in the past accused my of drunkenness, because they saw a lot of different alcohol in my kitchen and assumed that, because I had a lot of alcohol, I must have an alcohol problem, rather than that I had a lot of different stuff so I could have what I wanted when I wanted it, which was actually very little, but it was nice to have the variety available.  I mentioned that as one of the false accusations I was faced with only while I was under section in hospital, and not before, and denying it made no difference to the way I was treated, so I suppose i am particularly sensitive about it.  So maybe I could be said to be over-reacting because I am over-sensitive and a bit malicious and vindictive myself.  But what seems to me indisputable is that they deliberately put sleep and alcohol together in their ear-battering and in other ways delibeately directed style.  The men are involvd as well, and they know just as much and participate just as deliberately as the women.  They are all completely false and a load of con artists, and at the moment they are conning the nation that they could give a fuck about the victims of yesterday’s killings while at the same time they are launching this deliberate assault on victims they are making themselves.  It is and should be seen to be frighteningly, horrifically and outrageously demonic, disgusting and criminal.  On one side they are laughing at me, and on the other they are pretending that, at the same time as that, they can feel grief at the killings and the plight of the survivors.  Any decent and true human being knows that is hypocrisy, and I don’t believe that anyone should find it acceptable and be willing to sit back and let it happen.  They degrade people to the point of desperation, then make out that the resultant behaviour from that deliberate degradation is a contributing factor to any acts of desperation.  They turn us on ourselves and each other in hatred, then look like ministering angels of healing and reassurance to society by saying how awful a person was even before they committed an act of desperation.  News is entertainment.  It is their job.  They love a story like this, and while they milk it they are still attacking other people.  We are watching the devil in action.  I care.  I REALLY care.  I just feel so raped by the industry that makes appearing to care the source of its income and celebrity lifestyle that I am incapable of showing it in any practical way and actually end up showing something completely opposite.  Most ordinary people are like that.  And every time I get a handle on something I am saying and know that it is true I hear the undisciplined, insistent, demanding and mocking screams of the local cildren whose parents come out and rage at me at other similar times when all I am doing is typing and understanding, and I know something is going on here, something really dehumanising and violent, and I can’t cope, and that is why the deliberateness of the broadcasters affects me so badly, because while I am traumatised every time it happens to the point of thinking ‘oh God, help me, someone please help me’, these evil people keep up their deliberate onslaught, and that includes the people in parliament.

I watched a bit of the House of lords Broadcast today.  Two new members were introduced.  The man responsible for reading the words attributed to the queen was making expressions with his face, openly disassociating himself from the words even as he said them, and the man who seemed to be in charge when it came time for questions and debate seemed to be reacting to things I posted on here yesterday. I say ‘seemed’ for the sake of anyone who is skeptical.  Actually I KNOW.  I wrote yesterday about getting people to think how you want them to by first making them do what you want them to while keeping them at basic survival level, in one way or another, and he said something about ‘how do you want the rest of us to think?’ and made a joke of it.  I watched him from that point on, and he seemed to be in trouble with himself, and his reaction to the question that was put about the Human Rights Act, that I mentioned yesterday, was interesting.  It’s near the beginning, for anyone who wants to watch and cares about me.  The mood I am in tonight, the rest of you, including him, can go to hell.  Just keep your eye on him and watch his reactions and expressions and body language.  National security and control orders came up as well, and the need for anonymity about some of those orders, I suppose even to the extent that even some of the people themselves don’t know.  I play a lot of stuff on Napster, including stuff from other cultures and religions.  I have a Muslim family living 2 doors away from me, and at one point I decided to play some Sufi music, as a way of finding a way into a relationship with them and understanding and identifying with them without setting out to convert them.  One day I was so mad at the local black church which is involved in stalking me, just down the road, I played it on Easter Sunday (no, Good Friday, I think) while I was washing up with the window open, and as the church came out, my neighbours came and stood outside, but there was no communication between them and the church.  Also once I had an Irish boyfriend who was pro IRA, and my pastor at the time, who knows Ian Paisley, knew that, because I told him in a letter he got someone else to answer.  I think they see me as a terrorist threat.  But they won’t tell me.  And I am convinced that Ian Paisley has been involved in this.  The pastor I’m talking about, David Shearman, preached on Sunday.  He started off saying something about getting to know people ‘downstairs’, then went on to talk about a ‘rampant secularist’ – erm . . . and how we don’t need that kind of person.

I’m sorry, I’m sick.  I’m being really abused here, and if I don’t put this out, the abusers will use it in a private way with more power to twist the knife than if people know.  I am furious with my community, which I think think Stalin, the mass murderer, was God their saviour, and start squealing, in spite of the fact they haven’t apologised for any of their abuse, every time my brain begins to become calm and focus.  Hence the chaos of my communication and the fact that I don’t care enough to be willing not to post it.  I suppose I might lose my blog.  I read on Google today that WordPress closed the blog of a scientist who wrote against a practitioner of alternative medicine, but I don’t know anything else about it.  I’m terrified of these evil women and the male compatriots, who will just keep attacking, they won’t stop, whether I post or don’t post.  If I don’t post it is more lonely.  What they are doing to me is occult and dangerous and murderous.  I said some things a few times which I think were instrumental in getting some programmes closed down, I’m not sure, but this could be a vendetta of revenge.  Like I said, maybe one day they will kill me.  The newsreader tonight, in light of what I wrote about football yesterday, failed with the attempt at a smile that made it look as if he thought the footballing world was angelic, but it was terrifying enough in its menacing invalidation to affect my grasp of what I thought, together with everything else they are hurling at me and have been for years.  There was an interesting thing on Newsnight last night (the programe with the historian I talked about in my first post).  It talked about someone in Korea who had been locked up for playing music from the other part of Korea.  I’m not sure if it is similar to what has happened to me, but I suspect that is the point being made, true or not, but I think it might be true, but it can’t be, not here in England.  It’s available on Napster, it isn’t illegal.  And the Northern ireland terrorists are now politicians, like my boyfriend said they would be, and everyone hailed Tony Blair for making that step.  So why is this happening to ME?  I added the fact yesterday, in my first post, that the programme was Newsnight, and last night Jeremy Paxman said the word ‘clumsy’ which is the word they kept using after the historian let the fact that Gordon Brown would be leaving on Tuesday was already known at that point on Saturday slip, and I don’t remember having heard Jeremy use it since then, at least not in such a pointed way, and the person he was talking to came on acting stupid, in a serious way, and talking about being ‘baffled’, which I believe is a common displacement tactic I have got used to seeing them using when I say something like that.  When I first saw the historan again after I added that post, he was very awkward, and talked about a person being ‘confused’, but his eyes were all over the place.  That was last week.  At that point I hadn’t identified the programme, I had forgotten to do so.

These political guys know this is happening to me.  They won’t step in to help because they are too guilty themselves.  The college principal I mentioned in my first post was the principal of my old colege after I left, and on the 8th May, the day the programme was broadcast live, was the day I found his contribution to my college’s memoirs and it was only at that point, reading it on the internet, that I knew there had been a principal at my college called Gordon Brown.  I didn’t communicate that until 10th May.  My music teacher at the same college was a man called Andrew Burnham, now a bishop, there was a candidate for parliament in this election called Offord, last name, like my English teacher at the same college, I just saw today there was someone where Nick Clegg stood called Suzanne Bates, a combination of a version of my first name and the last name of another teacher I had, there is a David Shuchman on the news and a Barry Sheerman in parliament, there is a look alike of a friend I had called Malcolm, there are look alikes and act alikes of Michael Mish all over the place, another friend I had, that guy in the House of Lords today used Tommy Boyd’s characteristic ‘fantastic’ and talked about getting the attention away from himself and someone being an object of afection, ‘as he should be’, following me talking about Tommy last night in my blog.

I’d just like to make this point, I’ve made it before, but they seem to think it doesn’t matter:  if I show knowledge of what they are doing, they are public figures and the information is openly available for everyone to access, and if I want to take a swipe at them, that is a legitimate freedom I have if I chose to use it.  If, however, they are taking a swipe at ME, who am not a public figure apart from my blog, and if they have been doing it for years, even before I gave my Premier blog details to Nick Clegg and David Cameron, which is the only way they could have found their way here; and if their attention enables them to swipe at ME, a vulnerable, extremely limited indiviidual with a mental health diagnosis who has asked them for help but not had her emails acknowledged, and if, in this extreme distress and vulnerability I a person who have used proper channels of communication to ask them for help am the in joke of parliament and David Shearman, who knows and is involved with all this says David Cameron ‘worships himself’ (he meant ‘is himself a worshipper’, but it was obvious that he was stopped short by the signifcance of his own ambiguity), what is going on here and why, and why doesn’t anyone see fot to call time on it and have these people for the war criminals they are, if I am seen as a security threat but am actually being treated as mentally ill, but being ignored by the mental health authorities until I crack under the pressure of what these people are doing and participating in towards me?  This is gross indecency.  This really is.  Compared with these people, anything I come out with that sounds offensive is cute babytalk.  And this can happen to anyone.  Like the song says, ‘if you tolerate this, then your children will be next’.  Or like the story says, ‘they came for the Jews, and I siad nothing, because I am not a Jew. . . then they came for me, and there was no one left to protect me’.

I’ve just read back over this post.  It’s possible I might have misinterpreted people’s body language and intentions.  But whatever, they should not be holding a privaye awareness of me which entitles them to any intention towards me, even positive, and especially even positive, if they don’t act on it.  They have become vicitms, I think, of their own doublespeak and doublethink and brainwashing.  I hope they break out of it and recover their senses and ability to act appropriately to the REAL situation, and not what they like to do with it so as not to take responsibility and face their guilt, soon.  Even now, I CANNOT be the only one.  Some people kill themselves.  I tried. I learned from Tommy to interpret the signs.  So now that is not on my agenda.  I just destroy my own credibility instead.