of putting this in my window: ‘You have made me really ill. You are so cruel and/or stupid, you have no right to exist’. I don’t trust Google translate though.

Some people think life should be handled like a game. Funny, that. I just watched David Cameron on the Andrew marr Show, and right at the end Ihad to go to bed, my stomach felt as if it was going to explode. It still does.

People know I’m fighting against taunting and even lack of privacy to go to the toilet, which if I’m honest I’m beginning to think I always should have found quite funny and endearing, and yet they are still putting out suggestions of threats that a mental health raid is going to be visited on me.

I don’t really care which part of it is the act, when you’re dealing with people’s lives, NONE of it should be. Not ANY of it. Politicians talk about transparency. They are only ever, as a rule, transparent about what affects them, not how they adversely affect others. They have betrayed me. It is all words. I hate them. They are perfectly happy to make me feel as if I am going to be another mad and destitute woman on the streets of Bulgaria, and that might even be what they want in fact. That even if I achieve my material goal, i will be too crazed by torture for it to be any good to me. Everything is wooey and a sweet joke, until I don’t respond to it, then I see how heavy they can get. I feel happy, and I feel guilty that I’m not expressing it, but maybe then I really WOULD be living in La La land?

How can I say that God has been good to me, when they can lay me out feeling sick and in pain with terror and outrage at the twist of a few words? I’m desperate. This really is making me really ill. I want to break down and cry. Everyone else seems to contrive to come out of it smelling of roses in my opinion. In my opinion, I am always the one who is failing to understand and misinterpreting and behaving inappropriately.

David Cameron, you should be ashamed of yourself. You remind me of the man who sang that song, ‘Twisty Fire Starter’. It was on the TV during my first time in hospital. It terrified the life out of me. I feel the same now. Because you, in your power and security, can play with words you drill into the minds of people who really are absolutely powerless. I would like to ask you why> Because I am reasonable enough to want to do that and, as I said, in my own opinion I am always the one in the wrong. How cleverly and expertly I have been manipulated into this place.

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