First posted 9.33 am UK time.

I can’t remember who does this now, but I know that Premier and other church broadcasters seem to do it.

They are making me believe that my neighbours in Bulgaria who have been showing knowledge of my situation in England without hearing it from me are Christians in touch with them and supported by them.  If that is true, this is a form of false imprisonment.  If it isn’t true and is a false suggestion, it is a form of inhibition and psychological imprisonment.

I often want to go to my neighbours, but, apart from the language problem which is a practicality I often forget, I don’t know where I stand with them or what is motivating their behaviour.

This really is psychological torture from everyone involved, and is deliberate, and illegal.  The policy seems to be hold her down, or make her THINK she is being held down, until she gives in and comes to us.  If she won’t come she’s a bad lot.

But for the invasiveness and breakdown in relationship, this house would be perfectly habitable.

Were Nick Clegg and David Cameron trying not to laugh in Parliament yesterday (1 hour in)?  It seemed to me that was why they looked so miserable, it was the only way they could not laugh.  Nick was suddenly sharp enough when someone called on his attention off left of screen.

Accepting the surreal makes idiots like me think they can do things they can’t, like walk out and sweep into No 10 or the palace, having easily secured the co-operation of those who could get them access, like the lovely reasonable policemen who would be on duty.  But of course we (the idiot brigade) can’t, and if we tried, even courteously, we would find ourselves stopped.  Maybe that is why there have been riots, because people have been acting on the impressions of surrealism.

I think trying to cajole me into humour in this situation is inappropriate.  They’ve known everything for years, including my efforts to be taken seriously in England.  If it IS about me (which it might not be), it seems to me that the only reason for their distress now is that another country is involved and aware of the situation.

Why can’t they ASK, directly?  Why can’t they say sorry?  Why do they rejoice and play with bits that I have written, but not make a proper and formal approach, and why can’t they do it openly instead of getting other agencies to act on their behalf, but not tell me that that is what is happening?  I am me, it appears they want me to be someone or something else.  Otherwise they could just tell me in an email or through the British Embassy what they wanted and ask me to come home so I can help them or whatever, if that is what they want.

I hold to this – if they can’t be open now, they won’t be open later.

Meanwhile sensitive people are locked up and tortured in the name of and with the aid of the mental health system.  For me, this is the beginning and the end and the middle of it.  That is where we start.  No change on that, then nothing to say, I’m afraid.

I know that seems unforgivably defiant, but have you seen the way they work?  This is nothing like an easy stance for me.  Both fear and responsibility keep me isolated and poverty keeps me limited.

And if I was stopped from boarding the plane because of ‘inelegance’ before, I am even more inelegant now, and still unable to cope with the stonewalling and every other manifestation of prejudice and discrimination.

I want to say yes, but the realities of the situation demand that I say no.

But if they really do want to talk to me as much as they seem to I feel honoured and privileged, and I hope that saying so might encourage them to approach me with a request rather than an appeal.

Edit note 11.59 am UK time:

Although I said I feel honoured and privileged, I have spoken as someone who has been a victim of collusion between the mental health system and other bodies, and as someone whose father committed suicide with this same experience at the end of his tragic life journey.  My sister also has had 3 children taken from her and been called mentally ill.

I said in an email to church leaders a few years ago, that I represented the victims of psychiatry.  I am not holding my country to ransom.  As I have said, they have known about this for years.  John Pantry, who also received the email, knows I have been sexually molested in church as a child, and even as an adult, because I said so in the email.  No acknowledgement of this has been made or any effort to redress it.

They posture as if they are the source of everything I say and therefore have a right to take what I say, either through my blog or hacking my computer and telephone calls, and put it all to the glory of the church and the government, and alternately whip me with my outsider status or invite me to join them.

There are many things about me that they have had no hand in and which have shaped me as a person in what I think and say.  This is rape all over again.  The morally impoverished stealing from the marginalised and disenfranchised. Taking the only means of survival of the people they destroy, making out they were bad neighbours but using what they do to strengthen the system.  Their system.  Please note.  Their system.  Not necessarily God’s system at all.

God the Holy System.

John Pantry, you are a monster.  You are a very, VERY evil person.  I’m listening to the recording, and what you were doing while I was writing this seems fairly obvious.