I get that all the time.  It usually catches me off-guard, both in the real world and on the internet.

One of the latest things which has started happening is that, when I am satisfied with what I have written on this blog, when I feel I’ve written something which could revolutionise everything about my situation, just as I post it I get a black screen for a few seconds.  It only happens on WordPress since I changed my site’s theme.

I am traumatised.  I’m living with a diagnosis of schizophrenia which people pretend they don’t care about until they want to use it to exercise control over me or exert power.  They never believe that because of it my rights and my safety should be communicated as being upheld and secure, they just hold it over me as a constant threat of what will happen to me if I overstep the mark in reacting in situations of abuse towards me which they are willing to tolerate.

This black page, like a few other things, inserts itself horrifically, deep into my consciousness, having the psychological effect of making me feel completely cut off from the good which has just happened and from my ability to go further with it in my thinking.  It’s like an enforced agent of schizophrenia.  Some media communication plays with that as well.  It frightens me, it kills the inspirational aspect of my communication and how it is formed and allowed to incubate and grow.

I fully believe these incidents are deliberate, aggressive and malign.  On the internet I don’t know who is responsible.  I’ve also had problems with my computer todat of a completely different nature than I have had before.

The black page today appeared after I changed the name of my blog post from ‘Naked Hope’ to ‘Naked Desire and Undisguised Need’.  Any sharpening of definition is challenged in the same way.  In this case, it has made me feel that the post should be a conversation piece between me and its readers, but actually it isn’t, it is primarily a challenge.

Someone on Newsnight last night (Tuesday 24th August 2010) mentioned disconnects, and I noticed that Kirsty Wark fluffed all over it.

I can’t stand this.  I shouldn’t have to.  It is literally criminal.  Its effect for my media stalkers is to get me to vomit like this so the last thing they have to deal with is not the challenge of the uncompromising post.  Its effect on me is despair and desperation.  It is an exercise in brainwashing, whoever it is from, media, church or politician.