Tag Archive: Government

Government Hanky-Panky

Maybe it’s time for me to stop being drawn on this, but this morning I heard (sorry, I get confused) William Hague or Iain Duncan-Smith (I think it was William Hague) say something about harassment of journalists in Libya.  He paused before saying ‘in Libya’, as if trying to emphasise the point that he was saying Libya, and nowhere else, maybe not the UK.

Being the self-centred person that I am, I thought he was saying that I am harassing journalists and I got a bit upset.  Then I thought, ‘wait a minute, he’s probably trying to draw a distinction between the journalists in Libya (about whom he doesn’t have a bad word to say), and some of the journalists here, in our minds’.  I thought of Julian Assange.

I know many people will have seen the video of him outside the court about a week or so ago (I haven’t seen anything more recent) with him so close to tears saying he hasn’t had the chance to put his side of the story and that there have been incitements to violence towards him and his staff.

I don’t know him, but tears are very powerful with me.  Some people say they are a form of manipulation.  Maybe those people have never known real desperation.  I was frightened of my tears for years, after reading in a counselling type book that they are a form of manipulation.  I realise that tears only express our feelings and not necessarily the truth about the beliefs we hold that make us cry, but they must be one of the most valid expressions of personal, heartfelt reality, and for that reason I for one cannot despise them or be dispassionate about them.  If we took more notice of tears we might be a less violent, bigoted, punitive, testosterone-and-spleen-driven and reactionary world.  I believe real tears always should be reconcilers or at least a gateway to reconciliation.  His tears touched me.  I don’t know if they were real or not.  But how desperate does a person have to show themselves to be in order to have the violation of their legal human rights redressed by those who should and who think they have the right to judge instead?

My own emotions are mangled.  I’m being shouted at and banged at every day, especially when I’m just lying on my bed trying to connect my life to its source and neither moving nor speaking, just enjoying the feeling of beginning to recover the connection between my mind and emotions, then it all starts.  And I do the same thing back sometimes, even if only eventually and not on the spot.  Early in the morning I am too shocked and don’t know how to handle myself.  I can not get dressed for days because the violence makes me feel I can’t cope with life.  And then I feel ashamed of my own reactions when I give it back.

All that to say, condoning computer-hacking from anyone, including the government, excluded, I wish I could help Julian Assange and I would if I could, and would do so in every way that I could if he or his representatives asked me to.  There is no way I would not be prepared to help, believing as I have that he tried to help me.  Isn’t it funny how the government always steps forward to try to get you to disconnect from ‘bad influences’ only after they themselves have been exposed?  If they had not been exposed, if the timing of the leaks had not made me feel supported, I wonder what they would now be saying and doing?

‘The Big Society’ manifesto and plan almost completely replicates some of the concerns I raised in a document on my computer, following years of official abuse and neglect, including from the police, which was addressed to the chief of police in Sussex but not sent.  Given everything else it is hard for me to believe that someone hasn’t lifted it straight from my computer.  I know some people will believe or try to make out this is lunatic, but others will not, they even comment and sometimes get uncomfortable if I log on to a parliamentary broadcast, which I watch from the beginning and delayed, at the time that I actually log on and start watching.  This happened one Friday at the reading of a Private Member’s Bill, and the discomfort was particularly pronounced.  I keep intending to find it and watch it again, because at the time I thought I understood the discomfort.

My browser has crashed a couple of times while typing this, always when I am getting into a release of full flow.  It must show in my typing.  I think that, among other things, my key strokes are being monitored by someone.  I obviously don’t know who or why. There are people I think of and think of course I’ll stop if it’s them and they want me to, but I go on in stubbornness and/or uncertainty.

I started the post to say that it seemed fairly clear to me that, whatever William Hague was trying to communicate with his statement this morning, what appeared to be the surface message didn’t appear to me to be his main concern, and I wish they wouldn’t go around making object lessons and drawing comparisons and contrasts from another country’s distress while trying to appear to have a single message and motive.

Julian Assange, I love you.  I am absolutely backing you up with my best intentions and my strongest hopes for your safety, if that is all I can do.  I can’t quite connect with your reality, as I said when I try to connect with my own people cry out and start banging, I don’t understand the dynamic, I usually go for the explanation that makes me feel guilty, and it’s happening now and it is so distressing, so excuse me if you find this inappropriate, but I feel as if my own entrails are being fed upon.  I believe I have heard you trying to communicate with me, and from you in your position I appreciate that so much.  But I don’t know, maybe you’re communicating with me and every rights aware individual, and I’m just bending it to myself.  I hope you will get someone to contact me if I can help or be of any use to you.  That’s how I feel, whether it is appropriate or not.  I feel as if my whole community is the idiot brigade, and they’ve all come out now.  I’ve got another person now who somehow thinks it helps and is cool to shout hallelujah at me.  Maybe I should respond with better grace and gratitude.  I don’t know why they are doing it or who has given them the idea.  They only did it after searching me out with 5 minutes of yelling and me yelling back in the end.  I feel really bad about this.  It’s obviously an affirmation and I’m being ungrateful.  I should be grateful.  It’s so good to hear.

False Imprisonment

First posted 9.33 am UK time.

I can’t remember who does this now, but I know that Premier and other church broadcasters seem to do it.

They are making me believe that my neighbours in Bulgaria who have been showing knowledge of my situation in England without hearing it from me are Christians in touch with them and supported by them.  If that is true, this is a form of false imprisonment.  If it isn’t true and is a false suggestion, it is a form of inhibition and psychological imprisonment.

I often want to go to my neighbours, but, apart from the language problem which is a practicality I often forget, I don’t know where I stand with them or what is motivating their behaviour.

This really is psychological torture from everyone involved, and is deliberate, and illegal.  The policy seems to be hold her down, or make her THINK she is being held down, until she gives in and comes to us.  If she won’t come she’s a bad lot.

But for the invasiveness and breakdown in relationship, this house would be perfectly habitable.

Were Nick Clegg and David Cameron trying not to laugh in Parliament yesterday (1 hour in)?  It seemed to me that was why they looked so miserable, it was the only way they could not laugh.  Nick was suddenly sharp enough when someone called on his attention off left of screen.

Accepting the surreal makes idiots like me think they can do things they can’t, like walk out and sweep into No 10 or the palace, having easily secured the co-operation of those who could get them access, like the lovely reasonable policemen who would be on duty.  But of course we (the idiot brigade) can’t, and if we tried, even courteously, we would find ourselves stopped.  Maybe that is why there have been riots, because people have been acting on the impressions of surrealism.

I think trying to cajole me into humour in this situation is inappropriate.  They’ve known everything for years, including my efforts to be taken seriously in England.  If it IS about me (which it might not be), it seems to me that the only reason for their distress now is that another country is involved and aware of the situation.

Why can’t they ASK, directly?  Why can’t they say sorry?  Why do they rejoice and play with bits that I have written, but not make a proper and formal approach, and why can’t they do it openly instead of getting other agencies to act on their behalf, but not tell me that that is what is happening?  I am me, it appears they want me to be someone or something else.  Otherwise they could just tell me in an email or through the British Embassy what they wanted and ask me to come home so I can help them or whatever, if that is what they want.

I hold to this – if they can’t be open now, they won’t be open later.

Meanwhile sensitive people are locked up and tortured in the name of and with the aid of the mental health system.  For me, this is the beginning and the end and the middle of it.  That is where we start.  No change on that, then nothing to say, I’m afraid.

I know that seems unforgivably defiant, but have you seen the way they work?  This is nothing like an easy stance for me.  Both fear and responsibility keep me isolated and poverty keeps me limited.

And if I was stopped from boarding the plane because of ‘inelegance’ before, I am even more inelegant now, and still unable to cope with the stonewalling and every other manifestation of prejudice and discrimination.

I want to say yes, but the realities of the situation demand that I say no.

But if they really do want to talk to me as much as they seem to I feel honoured and privileged, and I hope that saying so might encourage them to approach me with a request rather than an appeal.

Edit note 11.59 am UK time:

Although I said I feel honoured and privileged, I have spoken as someone who has been a victim of collusion between the mental health system and other bodies, and as someone whose father committed suicide with this same experience at the end of his tragic life journey.  My sister also has had 3 children taken from her and been called mentally ill.

I said in an email to church leaders a few years ago, that I represented the victims of psychiatry.  I am not holding my country to ransom.  As I have said, they have known about this for years.  John Pantry, who also received the email, knows I have been sexually molested in church as a child, and even as an adult, because I said so in the email.  No acknowledgement of this has been made or any effort to redress it.

They posture as if they are the source of everything I say and therefore have a right to take what I say, either through my blog or hacking my computer and telephone calls, and put it all to the glory of the church and the government, and alternately whip me with my outsider status or invite me to join them.

There are many things about me that they have had no hand in and which have shaped me as a person in what I think and say.  This is rape all over again.  The morally impoverished stealing from the marginalised and disenfranchised. Taking the only means of survival of the people they destroy, making out they were bad neighbours but using what they do to strengthen the system.  Their system.  Please note.  Their system.  Not necessarily God’s system at all.

God the Holy System.

John Pantry, you are a monster.  You are a very, VERY evil person.  I’m listening to the recording, and what you were doing while I was writing this seems fairly obvious.

WAGblog: Dum Spiro Spero

"While I breathe, I hope"

Emerging From The Dark Night

Working through the Dark Night of the Soul to emerge as me.

The Elephant in the Room

Writing about my experiences with: depression, anxiety, OCD and Aspergers

The Sir Letters

A Tale of Love

Seroquel Nation

Onward and upward...

We are all in this together

it's gonna be okay.

my last nerve

psychology | psychiatry | neuroscience | n stuff

A Philosopher's Blog

A Philosopher's View of the World...assuming it exists.