Tag Archive: Happy


This is a happy version of me, taken today

1-me-smiling-at-myself-in-the-mirror

This is how I look at someone I feel relaxed with and loved and accepted by and who I also love and realise is amazing. In this case, myself in the mirror!

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Oh Happy Day!

I’m very happy today!  Yesterday I saw my psychiatrist and nurse, and my Community Treatment Order has been extended to next April so they can make sure I am OK when I finish coming off my meds.  I’m not happy that the CTO has been extended, but I am happy that I seem to be OK coming off the meds, I feel better than I have felt in a long time.  And there is no problem with my new neighbours, and I don’t expect one to develop.

I suppose that, even if no problems develop here, the psychiatric team will still say that I was ill before, and that I was imagining women shouting ‘hallelujah’.  It seemed real, both here and in Bulgaria, where it first started.  But the psychiatrists say it was only real to me, that it was an auditory hallucination.  I don’t know, I have no proof, but neither do they.

Today I feel hopeful for the future, and happy that I feel hopeful.  Yesterday I felt a lot of grief.  I had a disturbing dream last night about John and Anne Coles, but I can’t remember it now.

On Tuesday I went to Coventry to see Michael Palin.  He was funny and interesting.  I missed him here in Nottingham because the tickets were sold out.  As Jennie, my nurse, said, it is probably the biggest thing I have done since I came out of hospital.  She said I deserved it, even though it turned out to be more expensive than I was happy with.  I booked a night in a good hotel to make sure I got a decent night, but it was a way out of town and in the opposite direction from Warwick Arts Centre, where the evening was held.  I didn’t mind the price of the hotel, but I did mind paying nearly £100 in taxi fares over less than 24 hours.  I did take out £100 to cover taxi fares, but I didn’t expect to have to use nearly all of it.  Oh well, it’s done now, and it was a good evening.

I just watched ‘What A Girl Wants’ with Colin Firth on ITV2.  That was good, it gave me a bit of a lift.  Last night I posted something a bit despairing on Facebook on the Speak Out Against Psychiatry page, but so many people came to my rescue I don’t feel despairing now.  I’m still quite lonely, but I’ll have to do something about that.  My nurses have been the closest thing I have had to friends over the last year.  Pete, the nurse I have coffee with every week, is helping me find voluntary work and is taking me to The People’s Choir next Thursday.  I don’t sing so loud here as I used to in London because I don’t want to cause problems, so it might be nice to have the choir as an outlet.

Anyway, that is my update for the moment.  Thank you for reading.  Please leave comments if you have time.

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