Tag Archive: mountains


Strictly Come Dancing – The Results

Dear Strictly

I am culturally disorientated, being taunted by UK media every month about losing my house, and traumatised by so many other things that are or have been a part of my life experience.

It would be lovely to watch the TV and veg out and relax, maybe self-correct over some of the things I think.  Instead I find you talking about something that has happened here just 3 or 4 hours before your show.

Right, first of all, I’m angry.  I don’t need minders.  You get me?  Especially not illegal ones, even if you mean well.  None of this rubbish would be happening to me if you were not doing this, and I assume that because, to me, you are so obvious about it, the police and other authorities must be backing you in it?

Although you seem lovely, the stuff you said was ambiguous and has caused me, yet again, crippling anxiety where I felt I was back at a place in myself that I could cope and begin to move forward positively.  You leave me so angry that, where I felt I could begin to relax and trust the place and myself, I feel dislodged again to such an extent that I wish I could get away.  You have hurt me deeply in every way, including in my mind and in my ability to cope.  The feeling of a need to hit ot in anger again at the slightest noise is back, where before watching your programme I was much calmer and more in control.  I would love to let these kids near me, but when you get me in this state, whatever progress I have made in the way I see the situation, I believe it wouldn’t be possible.  It would hurt all of us more than the way we are relating now.  It would certainly hurt me.

I AM traumatised, I AM stuck somewhere as a result of the use of hypnosis on me without my consent, I CAN think sensibly once the crisis has passed, but without what you are doing it wouldn’t BE a crisis, it would only be a drama, and that would be good.

You’re doing this, and then you try to hide it so the public don’t catch on, and to do so you switch.  My psyche is too open to be able to cope with that.  And it would be better for all of YOU not to be doing it as well.

I know the way you use statements like ‘they will be dealt with according to our laws’, consequently I don’t know who you are talking about and you have made me afraid.  But I and those I love should not be having to deal with this kind of commentary on the media anyway.  If you would leave us alone we would be OK.  First of all, I don’t know if I would have this kind of local attention without your – sorry for this – interference, but if I did I think we are all nice and sensible enough to ride the culture clash storm and come together in a better way.

I thought myself afterwards, maybe stupidly on reflection, I don’t know, that the ain culprit is just a really nice kid who is doing his best with his own language limitations to say that he likes me.  He crossed himself outside my window, and I just looked over him into the distance, desperately wanting them to stop and at the end of my tether.  When he saw my desperation he looked ashamed.  I felt ashamed myself afterwards.  Stop means stop but they do push, but maybe they just think they are being persistent and that that is a good thing.

All of you, please stop it.  I HAVE asked for normal contact on numerous occasions.  I cannot imagine why you would rather do this than give it to me.

I would love to know what is going on there.  I saw Jimmy Mistry in tears and I was upset myself.  While I accept I could have read too much into it, I think I probably didn’t.  Also I liked Peter Shilton’s penguin, and Ann is a scream and a great performer.

If these kids ever come into my house, I will never hurt them.  I’m more concerned that they might hurt me.  But really I’m not even that.  They might be pushy with questions I don’t want to answer and that wouldn’t be helpful.  That is more of a concern to me.

But as I said, after having felt I’d made a little progress today, I’m now back in a place where I’m not coping with things that may or may not be innocent.  And that . . . is torture.

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The Moon

So, what is the moon to me? 

When I went to school we had a song about the moon, or a man who lived there.  His name was (not sure how to spell this) Achin’ Drum.  And he played upon a ladle.  And something to do with cream cheese.

It has always been an object of beauty to me, and valuable for that alone.  I am assured that it is probably going to be around for at least as long as I am.  So I can look up, and there it is, awesome, beautiful, especially in the mountains on a cloudless night.

Why can’t we just look at it from a distance and love it, and love its maker?  Why can’t we let it be separate and appreciate it for its light and beauty?  Why do we have to get close up and analyse it?  To find that it has enough water per tonne for a shallow bath, but it isn’t drinkable, as said in Fiona Bruce’s News at Ten last night, ‘there are problems’.

Someone said, ‘a thing of beauty is a joy for ever’.  Someone else said, ‘familiarity breeds contempt’.  Since we can analyse anything we want to, why should we be grateful for or awed by anything?

My first intellectual reaction to the report was, in this era of austerity, isn’t it a waste of money to be ‘conquering’ space in this way?  Isn’t it only scientific man’s way of flexing his muscles, and isn’t it an intellectual luxury we can’t afford?  I think so.  I don’t think anyone is ever going to live on the moon.  I might be wrong, but we don’t need that space, it will only be novelty and ‘because we can’ if we do.  But it’s showing off and we can’t afford it.  In all kinds of ways we can’t afford it.  I believe the fabric of who we are can’t afford it, and I think it is immoral.  Just because we CAN do something, it doesn’t mean we SHOULD.

I went to a political talk in Deptford on climate change last year, hosted by Joan Ruddock, my MP.  I didn’t feel informed enough to contribute, so I sat and listened and thought, and eventually she waved a hand in my direction saying, ‘some people, of course, don’t even care’.  I defended myself, saying it wasn’t that I didn’t care, just that I didn’t feel qualified to have an opinion, and that the experts were divided, at which point someone suggested quite forcefully that I could leave if I wanted to, but I held my ground and stayed.  Later I asked about the impact of space exploration on the climate and the environment, but she said it was minimal, and all the lights left on and CFCs etc were more harmful and these little changes made all the difference.  I’m not convinced of that, and I thought her answer was very defensive and evasive.  Having watched parliament for a while as well, it appears to me the issue of climate change is often used strategically and metaphorically anyway.  It’s a handy issue to have going.  I was invited to the talk at a very strategic point in my own life last year, having never been invited to anything before or since.  I think I had emailed her or we had had a brief correspondence or something.  But I had had contact with her ages before that as well.

I think space programmes are an intellectual luxury we can’t afford, which adds only to our material knowledge and satisfies some of our curiosity but does nothing really for the quality of our lives, unlike other areas of science, and unlike the arts, and religion.  I suppose a few drugs might have their origin on the moon, but at this point I don’t know.

In this age of climate consciousness I wonder if people still find it so ridiculous to say, ‘if God had intended us to fly, he would have given us wings’.  Hasn’t the number and intensity and geographical reach of wars increased with our mobility?  Could we have had world wars without aircraft?  Most of us can’t afford the ‘benefits’ of air travel (going on holiday is up there in the list of the most stressful things to do as well – we need a holiday.  We need the stress of going on holiday to get away from the stress of everyday life and recharge our batteries, they tell us.  Maybe that is why many of us don’t bother with our neighbours ‘too much’, we can walk away, put space between us if it becomes too intense, and come back and maintain the comfortable distance), but apparently we can’t afford it environmentally either.

We look out there for everything, if we can’t easily find the solution nearby, everything comes at us from out there, and we end up out there ourselves.  There is no centring anymore, no respect for the individuality and separateness of another, whether it be person, family, community or country.  We cross the boundaries whenever we think we will.  Modern day mass media gives us the impression of immediacy and responsibility, but the reality is, we do not have it in us to take on that kind and amount of responsibility (or to be busybodies), and we are suffering for it.  We need more independence.  Our economies need more independence.  There should be no such thing as a global economic crisis, and no possibility of there being.  That’s what I think, but I might be wrong, I’m not that educated or well informed.

But back to science and stuff.  I’m not sure if we have the moral and ethical compass to keep pushing the boundaries.  Every new discovery seems to add more reasons to our lives to be afraid than it does benefits, and we always seem to be being told that we can’t afford the benefits anyway, as in drug treatments.  Please sir, why can’t we afford the benefits if we can afford to keep funding the war and fear machines?  Please sir, why not?

Who are all these despots that keep terrorising their people, who have been put in place by the western world leaders?  Is the selection process itself responsible for the havoc they can create and maintain?  All these famines and things where we can’t or won’t deliver because of the countries’ leaders.  I don’t want to just bandy words about that I don’t understand, but this really IS still colonial Britain, isn’t it?  Imposing our ways and values on every people we get involved with.

IF multiculturalism doesn’t work, why don’t we adopt the same ‘no pain, no gain’ policy towards dealing with that in the face of all the PC protests and accusations of racism, the same as we do with economic issues, where the accusation is that of classism?  Or on that is everyone saying, ‘you turn if you want to, the lady’s not for turning’?  Why is it taboo in England even to consider that?  Protests don’t stop our politicians in any other area of national and public life.  I’m not saying we should, I’m just asking why we can’t even give respect to the people who think we need to regain the separateness of our national identity.

Here endeth this little foray.

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